Coaching Session on Presencing in Nature & In Person

I talked with my coach about my journey into the land adjacent to my back yard. I live near the Appalachian Trail and New York's Fahnestock State Park.

I took time Saturday morning to climb up the hill where boulders left by the glaciers still sit. I walked up on the ridge, away from my house.

First, I saw the handiwork of a dedicated woodpecker.

The Woodpecker's Handiwork

And then, I saw some beautiful green moss peeking out of the forest floor.

I made my way north. I turned left and climbed up another ridge, and kept walking toward the huge rock my husband told me I would find. There it was. It is, perhaps, the size of my galley kitchen. It's this enormous rock that is solidly there.

I found my way to the Vernal Pond and took 15 minutes to observe nature. I didn't ask myself to think about anything in particular. I listened to the squawking of two noisy hawks flying together. I heard a lot of different types of birdsong.
                                                                                              It was very quiet. The clouds moved to the left, and the  

Early Spring Moss

light changed. The day became more gray and less bright.

I told my coach that I sat on a rock overlooking the Vernal Pond and explored my Self. I did not come to one conclusion. I pondered student, teacher, mother figure, servant leader, follower?, instigator?

I told my coach about the workshop I gave on Tuesday. I explained that I was not afraid. At the end of my free writing exercise, I came to the conclusion that I am interested in things that are not in the scope of my job. I shared with my coach my questioning about what job is the right job for my Self. Is it coaching? Is it change consultation? Is it human resources.

My coach rephrased my questions and asked additional questions. I shared with her these words from my free writing exercise:

The Vernal Pond

"Ice. What's under the ice? The surface. What's under the surface? Tap the spring. Tap the source in each individual."

My coach helped me to understand that I'm on the right path. She was very encouraging.

I also talked with her regarding a presencing experience I had with a co-worker on Friday. The co-worker came to me with an idea of fixing up two of our male co-workers who are single. I related to my coach that I saw her authentic self. I saw her caring as an individual and her desire to be a match-maker. I explained to my coach that we were in Field 4 of Scharmer's Dialogue Model. We came to a point of generating together a plan to bring these individuals together to see if they might be interested in dating one another. Together, we each have an inner nature toward love, which we shared together, as we engaged in presencing.

My Coachee's Take on Suspension

In my coaching session on Suspension this week with Lin, she provided an interesting example of suggesting to her fiancé that he suspend his feelings about a friend. Lin’s fiancé met with a friend whom he had not seen for about 10 years. He told Lin that he found that friend to be very different from the past. He was only interested in himself.

When Lin’s fiancé related this story to her, she pointed out that perhaps the friend was nervous and just talked about himself a lot to cover up his nervousness. She suggested that he give the friend a second chance. She was suggested that he suspend his initial gut reaction about the encounter with the friend.

Lin’s fiancé was defensive with her. He said, “What’s your point here? What are you trying to do?”

Lin realizes that she was not a part of the meeting between the two old friends. So, she can’t see whether her fiance’s perception is correct or incorrect. But, she wanted to point out that there was a possibility that her fiancé misunderstood his friend.

Lin said her fiancé felt that she was against him. He believed his own intuition.

Based on this situation, we had a very good dialogue on suspension of beliefs and thoughts. We also discussed when one may make a quick judgment, such as, “I haven’t been to the dentist for a cleaning for a year; I should go to the dentist.” And, when one may need to suspend judgment about an issue that is controversial or has no fixed answer.

We concluded our dialogue with the thought: “It is so easy to be misunderstood; it is so important to be understood.”

Coaching Session on Suspension

While talking with my coach this week, I related an experience at work with two co-workers that spurred strong emotions from me.

The exchange with the co-workers happened via e-mail. I was tempted to respond immediately.  But, I did not. I suspended my judgment and feelings. I let them float.

I actually suspended my feelings for several days. It helped that I had a critical deadline that I had to meet. I just shoved those feelings to the side and focused on executing the critical work.

With time, I told my coach, that I realized the issue was not critical. I saw that the students involved in the issue had another space in their academic careers for the opportunity in question.

I also saw that we need to examine our assumptions about the students. What do they think?  What do they really think? We need to ask them – not just imagine what they think.

Additionally, we need to engage in methodological belief to understand the process and issues from the standpoint of a 20-year-old student – actually from many different 20-year-old students – international students, U.S. citizens, financially-challenged students, first-generation college students, etc.

I also told my coach that in suspending my reaction, I found a crack, or a space that will let me take the group from Field 2, into Field 3, to really discuss this issue.

I realized that we have not identified a mission statement, a vision statement, or a list of leadership practices. I realized that I want to propose that we engage in this type of intentional work together.  This, instead of my initial gut reaction, is now my answer.  Suspending my initial answer got me to this place.

I see that if we can identify a mission statement, vision statement, and/or a list of  leadership values/practices, all of our actions in the future can be tied to these statements. This is key work that we must engage in.

Further, I told my coach that I that I made a conscious decision to be tactical. I decided not to engage in part two of our assignment, because I would have done so via e-mail. I was not scheduled to see these co-workers in person until next week. I feel that it will be much more successful to say to them in person: “I’m noticing that as I disagree with you, part of me is skeptical about the rigidity I feel towards the position I’m taking right now. It feels a bit like this rigidity is preventing me and perhaps both of us from seeing the larger picture together…”

Further, now I can share with them what I learned from our exchange – that we need mission, vision, and leadership practices statements to inform our decision-making in the future.

But, for me, this dialogue has to be in person. It is not as effective, and bound to be misunderstood, if initiated via e-mail.

Mindfulness: Awareness of My Thoughts

On Friday, I was alone after my children went to school. I began to work on my schoolwork. I noticed that as I read, and as I wrote, thoughts of my job kept coming into my mind.

These thoughts of my job led me to think about certain problems at work. Although I was not meditating, I decided to push those thoughts out of my mind.  I realized that they were distractions.  I realized that I had a list of things to accomplish for my classes.  And, I had time alone to use for concentration and work.  I actively chose to think about my work for my Dialogue Processes class.

At one point, though, my focus changed. I did begin to think about my job and a specific problem. I realized that I was downloading solutions from the past. As I held Otto Scharmer’s book Theory U, I thought of a completely different way to approach this problem.

I turned Scharmer’s book over and read the blurbs on the back. The blurbs led me to a new thought. I had a significant new realization and then made a series of connections. From these thoughts, I have a new awareness.  I also have a plan, and a goal. I checked in with a good friend and told her about my realization. She was very excited about it, and enthusiastically endorsed my idea.

Now, I do not feel locked in or trapped by downloaded thoughts from my past.  Rather, I feel excited and a bit scared. This is a good combination and a good sign.  It means I am on a new path.

Mindfulness: Awareness of My Emotions

On Thursday, I stayed home from work for a bereavement day.  My children also stayed home from school, as we felt that it would be nice for them to have some initial time to grieve for their grandfather.

My house doesn't have much private space. Our family desk is located in our mud room, which is adjacent to the living room and the kitchen. It is often difficult for me to concentrate on school work. My children interrupt me. My husband often doesn't realize I'm thinking and bursts in to tell me his latest success in fixing the tractor or the car, or one of his other projects.

On Thursday, I was trying to listen to the weekly podcast for class. The children were running around in the house chasing each other, wielding their foam swords and hooting and hollering. I started feeling weepy and desperate. I was desperate for some quiet space in which to listen to the podcast.  I was all caught up in a combination of emotions. I was  sad because my father-in-law died on Tuesday. I was scared, because I was not attending to my job, and was worried about the projects and work piling up. I was also worried about my schoolwork. Additionally, I felt guilty. I wanted to be in the moment with my sons and share their giddy game. I was also, actually, angry. I just wanted to be able to listen to the podcast.

I started to cry. My husband came over and talked me through my feelings. He reminded me that we had decided to send the boys to school the next day. I had decided that I would take another bereavement day. Moving out of the mishmash of emotion, I saw that I didn't need to force the situation at the moment.  I didn't need to listen to the podcast on Thursday evening. I realized that I would have Friday morning to myself -- and I could listen to the podcast in a quiet house the next day.

We also came up with another solution. I said that I wished I had headphones to wear when I'm studying. We talked about the Bose Noise Canceling Headphones, which are expensive.  Then, I realized that I had just received a check for the editorial usage of one of my photographs in a magazine.  My husband and I said together, "perfect." We decided that buying the headphones was the perfect use of that income. I hope that the headphones will help me to concentrate in my often noisy home, and to lose my temper less often with my children, who are very dear, and very noisy.

Once I emerged from being caught up in that mishmash of emotion, I was calmer and more centered. I was also more engaged in the moment, instead of worrying about the future and dwelling in the past.

Mindfulness: Awareness of My Breath

On Wednesday, I had an appointment with the funeral home. I was late leaving home, because my young son wanted to come with me. He cried, and cried. I explained that I was going to an adult meeting. I said that it wasn’t a meeting that I could include him in. I was breathing in a shallow way throughout that exchange.

I left the children in my husband’s care. I said goodbye, got in my car, and drove away.  I did not want to listen to the radio. I drove in silence. I noticed that my breathing got deeper. I looked at the trees, rock walls, farms, frozen ponds, and houses that I drove by. I became more relaxed.

The funeral home called to check on me. I apologized for being late. Eileen was understanding. I became more relaxed and breathed deeper.

At the meeting at the funeral home, I was initially nervous. My breathing was shallow. But, I saw that the estimate I had received was exactly what I was presented. I had done research on Tuesday and had chosen this funeral home over several others that I had called. The funeral director was not stuffy or fake. He was nice. Again, my breathing became deeper.

I then went to my mother-in-law’s house to join her, my sisters-in-law, and our family friend Conny. We ate lunch together and told stories about Dad. I felt safe and good. My breathing was deep. But, when my mother-in-law asked about my oldest son, I cried. I said he was deeply affected and having a hard time. My breathing became more shallow as I cried.

Conny told a story about her husband Doug. She had been at her writers’ group on Tuesday evening. She had not heard the news yet of my father-in-law’s death. Doug had heard the news though. When she got home, she found Doug drinking bourbon. He told her he had had one shot of bourbon for himself and one for Richard, and then one shot for himself, and one for Richard. She said he had had many, many shots of bourbon. We all laughed lovingly. My breathing became deeper again. 

I breathe deeply when I am not in conflict, and when I feel safe.

Mindfulness: Awareness of My Body

On Tuesday, my mind was focused primarily on my father-in-law. He was hospitalized. My husband, sons, and I visited him on Sunday night. On Tuesday morning, very early, we received a call to let us know that he was not doing well. He was expected to die. We decided that I would not go to work. I stayed home with my young son. My husband left immediately to drive to the hospital to join his mother and sister.

My husband and I kept in touch throughout the day. He called in the afternoon, before my older son came home from school, to tell me that his father had died. When I heard my husband cry, my body convulsed, and I began to cry, too. I tried to keep this bodily reaction from my younger son.

After my older son came home on the school bus, he his brother began to play. I saw that my sons were having a nice afternoon together. I decided to wait to tell them about their grandfather when my husband returned home. I thought it would be better to deliver the news when all four of us to were together.

When my husband came home, I used my eyes to look into his eyes.  I held his hand, and then hugged him and kissed him.

He then went into our living room and told the boys that Grandpa had died. I was aware then that I could provide comfort with my body. I hugged both my husband and my older son while they cried. I kissed them and stroked their hair.

My older son was very close to his grandfather. He cried throughout the evening, as he asked us questions, and realized that he would never get to talk with his grandfather again. I realized that because my son nursed for more than two years, it is comforting for him to be hugged and lean against my chest. I cradled him and provided him with comfort by letting him rest against the softness of my chest. I observed that I provide comfort with my touch and my embrace.

On The Bystander Role: My Second Coaching Session

In my coaching session with Lin, she explained that she realized that differences in cultural norms are not addressed in Isaacs' Four-Player Model of Dialogue.

Lin told me that cultural norms and respect for elders can change her affect in a conversation. She described a phone conversation during the week with her soon-to-be parents-in-law.

Lin said that she is very cautious in a conversation with them. Her mother-in-law-to-be is  very sensitive and interprets Lin's words differently from Lin's intention.  Lin said that she doesn't feel comfortable being her whole self.  She said that she is always following in her conversations with her parents-in-law-to-be.

On the other hand, Lin is very comfortable in her conversations with her fiance. She said that they switch roles in dialogue very smoothly. Sometimes she is the mover.

For her third example of engaging in dialogue and using the Four-Player Model, Lin described a particularly terrible fight she had in a conversation two years ago with a friend who is still living in China, and who wants to apply to graduate schools in the U.S. He did not want to listen to her advice about taking sample TOEFL and GRE tests.  Lin talked with him again last week. Finally, she said, he is now able to listen to her and take in what she is saying to him and advising for him. She found this very gratifying.

Lin came up with two wonderful take-aways in her coaching session. First, she said that "a leader is someone who stimulates individuals' capacity of saying."

Second, she said that she feels that the smartest role in the team is the Bystander role, because that participant puts the issue into perspective.

From Lin, I learned that a coach may be a bystander. The coach follows and listens, but then in synthesizing what the coachee said, the coach provides perspective and moves into the bystander role.

My Second Coachee Session

In my coaching session with Rachael, this week, I explained the role I played in three different conversations during the past week. The situation in which I played a role I was unaccustomed to playing had just happened about an hour prior to my coaching call with Rachael.

A high-ranking person began the meeting of six people. She was very open about problems that her staff is facing, along with a lack of clarity of policy. We all listened to her. Then, I decided that this was a moment that I could "move" and speak authentically about something. I felt courageous, and explained this to Rachael. After I made my statement in the meeting, the high-ranking person, and another high ranking person "followed" my idea. This also felt good.

I explained to Rachael that the roles I played in the meeting changed. I also, later, engaged in  the "bystander" role and put things into perspective. But, I found it very meaningful  to move out of my comfort zone by "moving" and engaging my voice.

As we talked, I explained to Rachael that Isaacs has a different definition of "bystander" than I was accustomed to.  I said that sometimes I do not engage in one of Isaacs four roles. I am silent and I listen. While this sounds like a "bystander," this is not what Isaacs is talking about. If the silent passive participation occurs in a regular weekly meeting, I may return the next week to the next meeting and offer perspective on what we discussed the week before, by acting as a bystander in Isaacs' definition of the role.

So, I introduced the idea of a delay between engagement in a dialogue.  So, perhaps there can be participation as a listener, followed by more active engagement in a later meeting with the same people. This seems to be a branch or node reaching from the Isaacs "Four Player Model." Rachael and I wondered if Isaacs has addressed this idea.

I told Rachael about presenting the "Four Player Model" to my husband. I told her that he understands it, but that he laughed and said that I impose my ideas upon him. He also said that I don't listen to him deeply. He and I agreed that we both have these tendencies. Rachael asked why I'm able to play the "Mover" role more often in my relationship with my husband instead of at work. I laughed and said that he doesn't pay me. I think that I am often stuck in the Politeness Zone of dialogue at work. I don't want to offend. I don't want to get fired.

I explained to Rachael that my husband and I shift fluidly between roles in our dialogue together. He may move on an issue, and I'll follow to ensure completion. Or, I may present a half-baked idea, and my husband will oppose to provide correction.


Rachael asked if I feel I am able to implement what I'm learning in my workplace.  I told her that I am already changing my behavior, suspending judgment, and opening myself up to the wisdom of my co-workers that I may not see. The third interaction I shared with her involved my opposition to a decision my supervisor made.  But after my initial anger, I thought about it over the weekend and saw that my supervisor was trying to protect me from overwork. She saw the amount of projects and deadlines I already had. So, she encouraged me not to take on three additional presentations. In the moment, I was not able to see her wisdom. But with a few days of reflection, I was grateful for her foresight.

Three Ways of Approaching Isaacs' Four-Player Dialogue Model

This week I purposely engaged in the four-player model of dialogue in three different ways.

First, I engaged in dialogue in a way I was not accustomed to.  I took part in a meeting on Friday with five other people. Two of them have very high rank within the University. Two others also have higher rank than my rank. One person is junior to my rank.

One person, who leads a campus abroad, began the meeting, and was very upset. She unloaded a number of vexing problems. I saw that this was an opportunity to "move" and discuss problems that we face in training her staff, because Advising  staff have been told to train via Skype, email and phone. I noted that Admission staff and other staff in the University have made numerous trips to the campus, but that Operations staff and Advising staff had not been sent to train staff. I spoke with my authentic voice in an effort to creat a new order of things, and set up new possibilities.

I also explained that I am engaged in a graduate program that is delivered online. I am familiar with different internet-based modes of synchronous and asynchronous communication. I said that these tools are useful, but that to really help to provide capacity for our colleagues abroad, we need to have a person work with them one on one. And, we have a new hire who will come aboard soon who will need to be trained.

The leader of the campus abroad immediately followed me and my contribution, as did a leader from the Provost's Office.

Second, I presented the four-player model of dialogue to my husband. He was very receptive. He pointed out that sometimes I impose my views on him, instead of respecting his wisdom. He also said that sometimes I am not a good listener. Sometimes, he is not a good listener either. We are challenged by our schedule. The  time that we have alone is from 5:00 a.m. until about 6:45 a.m. And here is breakfast-making and eating, yoga, showering, dressing, bill-paying, and sometimes homework-doing in that time period, too. I get home in the evening just after 7:00 p.m. My kids want my full attention then. So, my husband and I don't often engage in deep dialogue in the evenings.  We both learned from sharing and talking about Isaacs' four-player model of dialogue.

Third, I opposed a directive stated by my supervisor. My advisor said that I should not hold three info session meetings for students about study abroad. Initially, I was angry about the directive. But, then, with time, I softened and acknowledged the wisdom of my supervisor that I did not really see in the moment. I realized that my supervisor saw that I am already overworked, and working in the early morning and evenings. In her view, this created additional work for me to prepare three presentations. After my week last week, I really understood her wisdom.

My First Coaching Session

I prepared for my coaching session with Xiaoyu by reading her biographical introduction that she shared with the class, and her vision of coaching.

I reflected on the coaching readings and Xiaoyu's vision of coaching, and made notes to reference during the coaching session.

Xiaoyu had written about Reinhard Stelter, whose idea is that the coach and coachee should focus on creating a space for reflection and be less concerned with fabricating quick solutions. With Stelter's idea in mind, I set out to create a safe context for our work together.

We began with conversation, to get to know one another. I asked Xiaoyu about her academic program. She is in her final semester in the UMass Boston Educational Transformation M.Ed. program. I asked her about her goals after graduation, and learned that she will be married in June. Her fiance has applied to Ph.D. programs in Chicago, New York, and Boston. He will learn about acceptances soon. And, if he decides to study in Chicago or New York, Xiaoyu will move with him.

She asked me about my children and work at Parsons. I told her a bit about my sons, and the journey of parenting. I explained that I work with outgoing and incoming study abroad students -- and that I work with a lot of international students. I explained that The New School has one of the largest populations of international students of U.S. universities. I said that I often help Korean and Chinese students to acclimate to the method of instruction in the U.S.

We both talked about the model of instruction in China and Korea, where the instructor cannot be questioned. I talked about working with students at Parsons to help them assert and defend their own ideas.

I then asked Xiaoyu about her interests. She shared that she likes to take walks in Boston and look at the architecture and the people of the city. This led to a question from her about Eric Eisenberg's essay, "Building a Mystery: Toward a New Theory of Community and Identity." Xiaoyu shared that she didn't understand the focus on the self in the West, as described in Eisenberg's essay, because she grew up in China, where she was encouraged to conform.

I talked about the focus on the self in Western culture, but also explained that people long to belong. I explained that she might see groups teens walking together dressed in a goth or punk rock style. Each is expressing his or her own style. And, at the same time, the teens have formed a group in which they feel belonging. And to some extent, they conform to that group.

Our long conversation helped both of us to feel safe and connected.

We then moved on to discuss Xiaoyu's vision of coaching. She shared that she hopes to bring the coaching method of facilitation back to China when she returns to teach there one day. She gave the example of bringing the Boston subway map back to China to encourage students to figure out their own ways of interpreting it. She doesn't want them to memorize it. She wants them to solve the problem of navigation  and interpretation in free-form and creative ways.

Throughout this portion of our session, I listened and let Xiaoyu finish her thoughts. I summarized and asked her questions.

I feel very fortunate to be paired with Xiaoyu, as I believe one focus of our work together  will be to unravel differences in the modes of education in the U.S. and China. Through my work with her, I believe I will gain new understanding that will help me in my work with students at Parsons. I may be able to explain things about U.S. culture that are confusing to Xiaoyu.

This first coaching session was extremely valuable in providing space and time for us to get to know one another. I believe we have created trust that will permit us to grow and learn together.

Reflection on My First Experience as a Coachee

Rachael, my coach, and I started our coaching session by getting to know each other. We had communicated via e-mail, but this was the first time we got to see one another via a video Skype call.

Rachael had just finished work and was at home. She had driven through a bad thunderstorm. We talked about the winter weather. The night before, we were scheduled to have our coaching session. But, I contacted her to ask if we could reschedule. I couldn't get my car out of the parking space where I had parked, because it was parked on ice. I told her the story of how I used a garden shovel to try to break up the ice, spread a bag of road salt under the tires, pushed the car while it was in neutral, and finally had success by putting the floor mats under the front tires. We laughed, and I felt comfortable with Rachael.  I felt that we had created a safe space for our work together.

I talked with Rachael about the vision of coaching I had written. I realized that my vision didn't completely coincide with the recommendations of "Coaching from the Inside Out: Creating Exceptional Results." I realized in talking with Rachael that coaching is different from some aspects of very prescriptive academic advising that I do, such as telling a student "these are your required courses; you have to take these classes."

So, I realized that the coaching role is more to facilitate the coachee's own inquiry and solution-finding.

I shared a recent story about an experience I had with one of my advisees that really felt like coaching. The student was brought to me by her thesis advisor, who said that the student really didn't understand the concept of a thesis. She said that the student was in danger of failing her thesis preparation class. The student and I began to meet weekly. She showed me and explained to me her concepts and ideas. I asked questions, which spurred her to ask questions of herself and to change the direction of her inquiry. Through this process, the student came up with a very strong thesis idea that was completely different from what she presented when we began meeting. (She also earned a high grade in her class.)

The new thesis idea wasn't my idea.  I didn't suggest it to her. It was through our conversations that the student engaged in an ideation and problem-solving process and created something new. I told Rachael that this process felt like magic, and that I'm not even really able to describe what happened in each session.

In talking with Rachael, I realized that I will need to refrain, in coaching, from sharing solutions. Rather, I will need to ask questions and summarize to help my coachee reach her own conclusions and find new paths to solve problems.

In the beginning of my session with Rachael, I told her that I did not understand the "catalyzing" portion of the role of the coach. I thought that I would need to talk more with the instructor, or read additional articles to learn about this piece of coaching.

By the end of our session, I told Rachael, "maybe it's the process of coaching that is the catalyst."

I learned a great deal in the session and found it to be valuable. I look forward to continuing to work with Rachael.

My Initial Vision of Coaching

To me, coaching is a lot like the active listening I engage in as an academic advisor.  It's also similar to conversational work I engage in with a person whom I supervise.

I want to make people feel comfortable in my presence. I welcome them to my office and offer my hand for a handshake.

I try not to focus on people's clothing, jewelry, shoes, etc. I smile at them and focus on their eyes.

With students and others, I am conscious of my body posture.  I face my feet and heart toward the person, and I look at their eyes. If the eye contact is too intense, I move my eyes around the person's face and back to the eyes.

The coaching can be about any subject.  But the tools I use are the same.  I ask the student what she would like to talk about.  Or, if I know the subject of the meeting, I may say, "so, you're having difficulty in your Studio course?" Tell me about what's going on.

As the  student speaks, I listen and work to keep listening. I push away other thoughts about other things that are due, or that I'm working on. I work to really be in the moment with the person and hear her.

I let the student speak. I acknowledge what she is saying by nodding or saying "um hmm" to show that I have taken in what a person tells me.  For instance, a student may explain that she is having difficulty with an instructor.  I listen, and then repeat back what she told me, using different words.  I wait for the student to confirm that I am understanding her correctly.

I listen until the student indicates that she has shared what she wanted to about the problem. Then, I begin to ask questions.

Often, a student has made an assumption about something. I see that she has based a truth on that assumption and has reached a faulty assumption. I don't tell her that directly. Instead, I will ask questions to help to her identify the assumption.  For instance, sometimes a young undergraduate will be very emotionally affected by critique of her work. She may say, "my instructor hates me."

I'll ask what happened, what the instructor actually said. I'll listen. The student may reveal that the instructor gave a harsh critique of the model she built.  I will reframe the instructor's statement, and explain that I'm reframing it -- and that the comments are about her work, but not about her as a person. I unpack a reframed idea about the situation for the student.

I will see what she thinks of that idea, and listen again. And, we usually go back into question mode again.

Then, we will talk about strategies for the situation. I'll ask what she could do. Could she talk with the instructor about how she felt about the critique? Can she do this alone? Would it be helpful to do this with me, and have me in the room in a conversation with the instructor?

My vision for coaching includes understanding the catalyzing  process better. I want to learn how to provide a catalyst for the coachee.  And, I  want to learn how not to give advice during the coaching session, but rather help the coachee to reach conclusions.