Coaching Session on Suspension

While talking with my coach this week, I related an experience at work with two co-workers that spurred strong emotions from me.

The exchange with the co-workers happened via e-mail. I was tempted to respond immediately.  But, I did not. I suspended my judgment and feelings. I let them float.

I actually suspended my feelings for several days. It helped that I had a critical deadline that I had to meet. I just shoved those feelings to the side and focused on executing the critical work.

With time, I told my coach, that I realized the issue was not critical. I saw that the students involved in the issue had another space in their academic careers for the opportunity in question.

I also saw that we need to examine our assumptions about the students. What do they think?  What do they really think? We need to ask them – not just imagine what they think.

Additionally, we need to engage in methodological belief to understand the process and issues from the standpoint of a 20-year-old student – actually from many different 20-year-old students – international students, U.S. citizens, financially-challenged students, first-generation college students, etc.

I also told my coach that in suspending my reaction, I found a crack, or a space that will let me take the group from Field 2, into Field 3, to really discuss this issue.

I realized that we have not identified a mission statement, a vision statement, or a list of leadership practices. I realized that I want to propose that we engage in this type of intentional work together.  This, instead of my initial gut reaction, is now my answer.  Suspending my initial answer got me to this place.

I see that if we can identify a mission statement, vision statement, and/or a list of  leadership values/practices, all of our actions in the future can be tied to these statements. This is key work that we must engage in.

Further, I told my coach that I that I made a conscious decision to be tactical. I decided not to engage in part two of our assignment, because I would have done so via e-mail. I was not scheduled to see these co-workers in person until next week. I feel that it will be much more successful to say to them in person: “I’m noticing that as I disagree with you, part of me is skeptical about the rigidity I feel towards the position I’m taking right now. It feels a bit like this rigidity is preventing me and perhaps both of us from seeing the larger picture together…”

Further, now I can share with them what I learned from our exchange – that we need mission, vision, and leadership practices statements to inform our decision-making in the future.

But, for me, this dialogue has to be in person. It is not as effective, and bound to be misunderstood, if initiated via e-mail.