My Coachee's Take on Suspension

In my coaching session on Suspension this week with Lin, she provided an interesting example of suggesting to her fiancé that he suspend his feelings about a friend. Lin’s fiancé met with a friend whom he had not seen for about 10 years. He told Lin that he found that friend to be very different from the past. He was only interested in himself.

When Lin’s fiancé related this story to her, she pointed out that perhaps the friend was nervous and just talked about himself a lot to cover up his nervousness. She suggested that he give the friend a second chance. She was suggested that he suspend his initial gut reaction about the encounter with the friend.

Lin’s fiancé was defensive with her. He said, “What’s your point here? What are you trying to do?”

Lin realizes that she was not a part of the meeting between the two old friends. So, she can’t see whether her fiance’s perception is correct or incorrect. But, she wanted to point out that there was a possibility that her fiancé misunderstood his friend.

Lin said her fiancé felt that she was against him. He believed his own intuition.

Based on this situation, we had a very good dialogue on suspension of beliefs and thoughts. We also discussed when one may make a quick judgment, such as, “I haven’t been to the dentist for a cleaning for a year; I should go to the dentist.” And, when one may need to suspend judgment about an issue that is controversial or has no fixed answer.

We concluded our dialogue with the thought: “It is so easy to be misunderstood; it is so important to be understood.”