My First Coaching Session

I prepared for my coaching session with Xiaoyu by reading her biographical introduction that she shared with the class, and her vision of coaching.

I reflected on the coaching readings and Xiaoyu's vision of coaching, and made notes to reference during the coaching session.

Xiaoyu had written about Reinhard Stelter, whose idea is that the coach and coachee should focus on creating a space for reflection and be less concerned with fabricating quick solutions. With Stelter's idea in mind, I set out to create a safe context for our work together.

We began with conversation, to get to know one another. I asked Xiaoyu about her academic program. She is in her final semester in the UMass Boston Educational Transformation M.Ed. program. I asked her about her goals after graduation, and learned that she will be married in June. Her fiance has applied to Ph.D. programs in Chicago, New York, and Boston. He will learn about acceptances soon. And, if he decides to study in Chicago or New York, Xiaoyu will move with him.

She asked me about my children and work at Parsons. I told her a bit about my sons, and the journey of parenting. I explained that I work with outgoing and incoming study abroad students -- and that I work with a lot of international students. I explained that The New School has one of the largest populations of international students of U.S. universities. I said that I often help Korean and Chinese students to acclimate to the method of instruction in the U.S.

We both talked about the model of instruction in China and Korea, where the instructor cannot be questioned. I talked about working with students at Parsons to help them assert and defend their own ideas.

I then asked Xiaoyu about her interests. She shared that she likes to take walks in Boston and look at the architecture and the people of the city. This led to a question from her about Eric Eisenberg's essay, "Building a Mystery: Toward a New Theory of Community and Identity." Xiaoyu shared that she didn't understand the focus on the self in the West, as described in Eisenberg's essay, because she grew up in China, where she was encouraged to conform.

I talked about the focus on the self in Western culture, but also explained that people long to belong. I explained that she might see groups teens walking together dressed in a goth or punk rock style. Each is expressing his or her own style. And, at the same time, the teens have formed a group in which they feel belonging. And to some extent, they conform to that group.

Our long conversation helped both of us to feel safe and connected.

We then moved on to discuss Xiaoyu's vision of coaching. She shared that she hopes to bring the coaching method of facilitation back to China when she returns to teach there one day. She gave the example of bringing the Boston subway map back to China to encourage students to figure out their own ways of interpreting it. She doesn't want them to memorize it. She wants them to solve the problem of navigation  and interpretation in free-form and creative ways.

Throughout this portion of our session, I listened and let Xiaoyu finish her thoughts. I summarized and asked her questions.

I feel very fortunate to be paired with Xiaoyu, as I believe one focus of our work together  will be to unravel differences in the modes of education in the U.S. and China. Through my work with her, I believe I will gain new understanding that will help me in my work with students at Parsons. I may be able to explain things about U.S. culture that are confusing to Xiaoyu.

This first coaching session was extremely valuable in providing space and time for us to get to know one another. I believe we have created trust that will permit us to grow and learn together.