My First Coaching Session

I prepared for my coaching session with Xiaoyu by reading her biographical introduction that she shared with the class, and her vision of coaching.

I reflected on the coaching readings and Xiaoyu's vision of coaching, and made notes to reference during the coaching session.

Xiaoyu had written about Reinhard Stelter, whose idea is that the coach and coachee should focus on creating a space for reflection and be less concerned with fabricating quick solutions. With Stelter's idea in mind, I set out to create a safe context for our work together.

We began with conversation, to get to know one another. I asked Xiaoyu about her academic program. She is in her final semester in the UMass Boston Educational Transformation M.Ed. program. I asked her about her goals after graduation, and learned that she will be married in June. Her fiance has applied to Ph.D. programs in Chicago, New York, and Boston. He will learn about acceptances soon. And, if he decides to study in Chicago or New York, Xiaoyu will move with him.

She asked me about my children and work at Parsons. I told her a bit about my sons, and the journey of parenting. I explained that I work with outgoing and incoming study abroad students -- and that I work with a lot of international students. I explained that The New School has one of the largest populations of international students of U.S. universities. I said that I often help Korean and Chinese students to acclimate to the method of instruction in the U.S.

We both talked about the model of instruction in China and Korea, where the instructor cannot be questioned. I talked about working with students at Parsons to help them assert and defend their own ideas.

I then asked Xiaoyu about her interests. She shared that she likes to take walks in Boston and look at the architecture and the people of the city. This led to a question from her about Eric Eisenberg's essay, "Building a Mystery: Toward a New Theory of Community and Identity." Xiaoyu shared that she didn't understand the focus on the self in the West, as described in Eisenberg's essay, because she grew up in China, where she was encouraged to conform.

I talked about the focus on the self in Western culture, but also explained that people long to belong. I explained that she might see groups teens walking together dressed in a goth or punk rock style. Each is expressing his or her own style. And, at the same time, the teens have formed a group in which they feel belonging. And to some extent, they conform to that group.

Our long conversation helped both of us to feel safe and connected.

We then moved on to discuss Xiaoyu's vision of coaching. She shared that she hopes to bring the coaching method of facilitation back to China when she returns to teach there one day. She gave the example of bringing the Boston subway map back to China to encourage students to figure out their own ways of interpreting it. She doesn't want them to memorize it. She wants them to solve the problem of navigation  and interpretation in free-form and creative ways.

Throughout this portion of our session, I listened and let Xiaoyu finish her thoughts. I summarized and asked her questions.

I feel very fortunate to be paired with Xiaoyu, as I believe one focus of our work together  will be to unravel differences in the modes of education in the U.S. and China. Through my work with her, I believe I will gain new understanding that will help me in my work with students at Parsons. I may be able to explain things about U.S. culture that are confusing to Xiaoyu.

This first coaching session was extremely valuable in providing space and time for us to get to know one another. I believe we have created trust that will permit us to grow and learn together.

Reflection on My First Experience as a Coachee

Rachael, my coach, and I started our coaching session by getting to know each other. We had communicated via e-mail, but this was the first time we got to see one another via a video Skype call.

Rachael had just finished work and was at home. She had driven through a bad thunderstorm. We talked about the winter weather. The night before, we were scheduled to have our coaching session. But, I contacted her to ask if we could reschedule. I couldn't get my car out of the parking space where I had parked, because it was parked on ice. I told her the story of how I used a garden shovel to try to break up the ice, spread a bag of road salt under the tires, pushed the car while it was in neutral, and finally had success by putting the floor mats under the front tires. We laughed, and I felt comfortable with Rachael.  I felt that we had created a safe space for our work together.

I talked with Rachael about the vision of coaching I had written. I realized that my vision didn't completely coincide with the recommendations of "Coaching from the Inside Out: Creating Exceptional Results." I realized in talking with Rachael that coaching is different from some aspects of very prescriptive academic advising that I do, such as telling a student "these are your required courses; you have to take these classes."

So, I realized that the coaching role is more to facilitate the coachee's own inquiry and solution-finding.

I shared a recent story about an experience I had with one of my advisees that really felt like coaching. The student was brought to me by her thesis advisor, who said that the student really didn't understand the concept of a thesis. She said that the student was in danger of failing her thesis preparation class. The student and I began to meet weekly. She showed me and explained to me her concepts and ideas. I asked questions, which spurred her to ask questions of herself and to change the direction of her inquiry. Through this process, the student came up with a very strong thesis idea that was completely different from what she presented when we began meeting. (She also earned a high grade in her class.)

The new thesis idea wasn't my idea.  I didn't suggest it to her. It was through our conversations that the student engaged in an ideation and problem-solving process and created something new. I told Rachael that this process felt like magic, and that I'm not even really able to describe what happened in each session.

In talking with Rachael, I realized that I will need to refrain, in coaching, from sharing solutions. Rather, I will need to ask questions and summarize to help my coachee reach her own conclusions and find new paths to solve problems.

In the beginning of my session with Rachael, I told her that I did not understand the "catalyzing" portion of the role of the coach. I thought that I would need to talk more with the instructor, or read additional articles to learn about this piece of coaching.

By the end of our session, I told Rachael, "maybe it's the process of coaching that is the catalyst."

I learned a great deal in the session and found it to be valuable. I look forward to continuing to work with Rachael.

My Initial Vision of Coaching

To me, coaching is a lot like the active listening I engage in as an academic advisor.  It's also similar to conversational work I engage in with a person whom I supervise.

I want to make people feel comfortable in my presence. I welcome them to my office and offer my hand for a handshake.

I try not to focus on people's clothing, jewelry, shoes, etc. I smile at them and focus on their eyes.

With students and others, I am conscious of my body posture.  I face my feet and heart toward the person, and I look at their eyes. If the eye contact is too intense, I move my eyes around the person's face and back to the eyes.

The coaching can be about any subject.  But the tools I use are the same.  I ask the student what she would like to talk about.  Or, if I know the subject of the meeting, I may say, "so, you're having difficulty in your Studio course?" Tell me about what's going on.

As the  student speaks, I listen and work to keep listening. I push away other thoughts about other things that are due, or that I'm working on. I work to really be in the moment with the person and hear her.

I let the student speak. I acknowledge what she is saying by nodding or saying "um hmm" to show that I have taken in what a person tells me.  For instance, a student may explain that she is having difficulty with an instructor.  I listen, and then repeat back what she told me, using different words.  I wait for the student to confirm that I am understanding her correctly.

I listen until the student indicates that she has shared what she wanted to about the problem. Then, I begin to ask questions.

Often, a student has made an assumption about something. I see that she has based a truth on that assumption and has reached a faulty assumption. I don't tell her that directly. Instead, I will ask questions to help to her identify the assumption.  For instance, sometimes a young undergraduate will be very emotionally affected by critique of her work. She may say, "my instructor hates me."

I'll ask what happened, what the instructor actually said. I'll listen. The student may reveal that the instructor gave a harsh critique of the model she built.  I will reframe the instructor's statement, and explain that I'm reframing it -- and that the comments are about her work, but not about her as a person. I unpack a reframed idea about the situation for the student.

I will see what she thinks of that idea, and listen again. And, we usually go back into question mode again.

Then, we will talk about strategies for the situation. I'll ask what she could do. Could she talk with the instructor about how she felt about the critique? Can she do this alone? Would it be helpful to do this with me, and have me in the room in a conversation with the instructor?

My vision for coaching includes understanding the catalyzing  process better. I want to learn how to provide a catalyst for the coachee.  And, I  want to learn how not to give advice during the coaching session, but rather help the coachee to reach conclusions.